Top Ten Observations from My Bike Ride, Breakfast, and Museum Experience This Morning

CK and I went for a bike ride to Capitol Hill this lovely morning, had a delicious breakfast at the Jelly Café, and then went to “Free Day” (first Saturday of every month) at the Denver Art Museum. It was a great morning, and we were very happy. Here now, some observations:

1. You shouldn’t be allowed to have breakfast at “the Jelly” without getting the short order of mini-donuts to start things off. I mean, they should just kick you out.

2. Make sure your breakfast hash comes with cheese. Otherwise you might be heartbroken when it arrives and you realize there is no cheese. It might actually bring tears to your eyes, and then while you eat, you may stare at your wife’s order (which, of course, will be slathered with cheese) with something akin to envy.

3. Free day at the Denver Art Museum really isn’t free. When the nice people at the entrance ask you with a big smile if you would like to make a small donation, how can you possibly say no? (This falls under the category of “smart business management” or “very acceptable scam.”)

4. The Denver Art Museum is beautiful, but somewhat unimpressive (for this snobby New Yorker, anyway) in terms of its permanent holdings.

5. “Untitled” is actually a title. (Related side note: “no comment” is actually a comment.)

6. Any mother who (in a loud, nasal voice) stands in the middle of the European Collection and tells her our children to “Find the baby Jesus!” should be arrested immediately.

7. The young man who touched a painting to see if the paint was still dry should have his digit cut off. (Sometimes the old ways are best.)

8. The mother who rushed her daughter away from the film that highlights Georgia O’Keefe’s “vaginal” flower paintings should be told that it’s okay for her daughter to hear the word “vaginal.” (And to see how it can be depicted as beautiful.)

9. Too many bike-riding men in Denver are wearing spandex. Stop it already. Or just move to Boulder.

10. Looking up at the buildings of downtown Denver while riding along the Cherry Creek trail with my really cute wife on her blue Schwinn (with my belly still full from my delicious-albeit-cheeseless breakfast) is my new favorite thing to do.